


Both Ends Burning

by vonham



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: First War with Voldemort, M/M, Marauders' Era
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-29 09:58:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6370375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vonham/pseuds/vonham
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When war is heavy in the air, friends and lovers change; they grow, and break. You cling to the closest person; sharing borrowed breaths, stealing counted kisses. Centers on the relationship between Remus Lupin and Sirius Black, starting their 7th year, and through the war (and beyond?). RL/SB Slash. Also JP/LE. Planning on being novel length.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sirius Black, bored

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic! I'm looking for a beta, so please let me know if you're interested! I've been playing around with this idea for years.

Sirius Black was sitting, quite uncomfortably, on the extreme edge of the Potter’s guest bed. A random passerby might observe the tall, dark haired teenager shaking a piece of cotton from his hair, but no; Sirius had his hands firmly on his temples, and shook, left, right, as though to shake the dangerous, thrilling thoughts from the jumble of feelings that was his mind (and which he often called lunacy). It was not one thought, but perhaps it was. A culmination of thoughts, centered, pulled as if by gravity around one entity, snowballing, and growing, until Sirius thought he could see nothing else but that. He thought of Moony. He thought, with a slight frown, if his friend was healed from last night’s full moon, or was Remus still suffering? These thoughts are perfectly natural, reasoned Sirius; there was nothing strange about caring for a friend.

Sirius was eternally grateful to the Potters for taking him in, but the downside of feeling so at home with them was that...well, he felt at home. He felt the slowly building, seemingly crushing sense of being trapped that most adolescents felt in their own home. This was no fault of the elderly couple; they had always been quite liberal, and being very old they hardly meddled in his and James' affairs. Even Mrs. Potter, known to be quite fussy, only fussed over little things like making sure they were well fed and warm enough. Neither of them had the energy to be telling James or Sirius what to do anymore, or to demand them to be home on time. All in all, he had free reign, but still Sirius longed for the vast Hogwarts hallways; the way even the smallest of noises echoed loudly when the corridors were lit by nothing but moonlight. He missed full moon nights; changing into Padfoot whose thoughts were always more innocent; blissful in their simplicity. He missed being together with all of his friends; Remus' calming habits, Peter's witty jokes. Even James seemed to be different in the confines of the Potter Estate; there were no rules to break, no fun to have. 

Sirius looked out the large window of the guest bedroom to see the pregnant moon hanging heavy in the sky. He felt as if his gut had been punched; he was sitting in his room perfectly safe and pain free, meanwhile Moony had to suffer the full moon's effects...without them. The first time Sirius had become Padfoot he had solemnly sworn to himself that he would never allow Remus to go through another full moon transformation without him. James and Peter could be there too; that only made things more fun and easier besides, but Sirius vowed that regardless of the other boys, Remus would always have him during the moon. After the Incident, that promise had taken on a sense of urgency that could have only come from a person who felt he needed a lifetime to make things right again. But he had failed him. 

Last Christmas Sirius, James, and Peter had gone to visit Remus, for a change. As usual, Remus fretted over every single detail, and retrospectively, had adequately warned them that his mother was a muggle. Sirius had conveniently forgotten this fact, and was terribly excited that he was now able to perform magic outside of school, being the first out of the four to be able to do so. After the fact Sirius claimed to have just wanted to decorate the Lupin cottage adequately, but even he was at loss to explain why in Merlin's name would that include blue flames on the front lawn. And because of that, Sirius was no longer welcome at the Lupin house, and so Remus was suffering this full moon alone. For the first time since 5th year. Sirius had failed him. 

_Dear Remus,_

_I wish you would let me, Prongs and Wormy stay with you during holiday transformations. I hope it wasn’t too tough on you; then again, skin like leather, yeah Moony? I almost apparated to your place, tonight, worried about you. . If only your parents didn’t hate me ever since I *accidentally* set your front lawn on fire. If only they believed me that blue flames are harmless! Padfoot’s been itching to get out, too. Not in front of Prongs’ parents though. I’d go out for a run at night, if only they didn’t check up on me every hour. I think they figure I’ll go barmy on them, ever since showing up on their doorstep. Too nice, sometimes. Not that I miss being yelled at. And well, you know, Mrs. Potter sure knows how to make a stew. So I’m not complaining much. You should come by; the Potter estate is rather large (thankfully, though, smaller than the Most Foul House of Black). Prongs’ mother has her knickers in a twist ‘bout you. Something about how thin you looked back at King’s Cross. It would be cruel to deny her the pleasure. Truth is, I’m rather bored here. Music doesn’t work, I can’t get the record player to work. It’s hell. Help, Moony, I know you’ll be able to make it work. Just scored a new record by Roxy Music from the record store in the nearby muggle town. It’s called Siren, and I think this time I will make you like it. Come by some day. Surprise me._

_Messrs Padfoot._

_P.S. If you’re not here in a fortnight, I’ll be forced to endure the scorn of your parents, and come pick you up myself._

Nights at the Potter estate engulfed his soul in a sort of inescapable blackness that had him grasping the air, almost as if to lift the blanket of dark that he perceived all around him. It was during those hours of Black in which his mind played tricks on him. He thought of Moony, like always. This time Moony was his, and healed, with a bare chest, whispering into the crook of Sirius’ neck, fingers curled, grasping his hip, pulling him with surprising force toward him, toward his hard cock, and between them lay pleasure and indulgence, and when he came, he whispered, Moony, Moony, Moony. It was not the type of thing that Sirius would allow himself to remember ever thinking. Sirius blamed It on the lack of music. Like an addict, Sirius could not have peace of mind without his music. Playful guitar, and nonsense lyrics, he would close his eyes and see the musicians playing, eyes painted with glitter, leather hips swinging, pulsing, sex. He tried to play the music in his head now, in the dark. Burn you out of my mind, I know/ You’re a flame that never fades/ Jungle red’s a deadly shade/ Both ends burning, will the fires keep/ somewhere deep in my soul tonight/ both ends burning, burning, burn. “Burning, burning” he murmured, and slipped a hand down his boxers. Burn, Moony, burn. 

Sirius awoke the next morning, pushing to the deep recesses of his minds the thoughts that had before taken over. He sat there, the silence threatening to drown him; he tried again with the record player he had brought to James’ house. He remembered the Christmas before, when Remus gave him the copper colored, slightly old turntable. It would not work in Hogwarts, not with muggle electricity running through it. So Remus had enchanted it to feed off of magic, producing sound waves, amplifying them. But the charm was starting to wear off, and he found that he could not get it to work in the magically dense atmosphere of James’ house. Sirius decided that he would try and find a solution for himself; but first, breakfast. Giving his turntable a final pat, Sirius walked downstairs to the kitchen to see James already sitting there, scarfing down some toast with jam. 

"Fancy a fly?" James stopped chewing to ask. Sirius nodded, though he didn't actually want to go flying. Unlike James, Sirius didn't have an unlimited attention span for flying, and after a month straight of grueling practices he was starting to get bored. Looking at the grin on James' face, however, Sirius knew that he couldn't let down his best friend.


	2. James Potter, Head Boy

"Honestly Sirius, I don't know why I even practice with you; you're a shitty fly"   
James was trying to get in as much practice as possible; this was, after all, his last chance to etch his name into Hogwart's Quidditch Hall of Fame; to become a true legend. Only Sirius, who never had the focus to care much about the sport, wasn't nearly a talented enough player to give James a real challenge. 

The sun was beating down relentlessly on James, and he could feel his glasses slipping off his nose. If Lily were here, she wouldn't have let me forget the sticking charm. James sighed more audibly than any man his age should, as he briefly fantasized about Lily: Her hands on her hips, admonishing me, "You forgot the sticking charm, you dolt". James wouldn't admit to anyone that it was particularly Lily's bossiness, know-it-all-ness, must-have-the-last-word-because-you-know-I'm-right-ness that kept his attention all these years, that made him fall in love with her. She inches closer, wand raised, "adgluento" and no sweat of any kind would ruin my glasses again. He inches closer to me, eyes closing, lips forming a kiss...

James felt a sharp pain in his shoulder, and slipped a little from his broom. 

"Who's the bad fly now, sod?" Sirius was shouting, but James wasn't listening; already diving down at neck breaking speed. He caught the quaffle with his uninjured left hand, and hurled it at the makeshift hoop. It went through. 

"You were saying?"

James Potter could never resist the opportunity to show off, even to his best friend. Even when his shoulder was probably dislocated. He touched down and motioned Sirius to do the same. 

"Let's get inside for some lunch, yeah? Bloody boiling out here" James tried to hide the pain. Nothing his mother couldn't fix up in a jiffy. 

"Oh good, you boys decided to come back down to earth...James are you injured? Again?" Mrs. Potter gave them both a look that would make even Albus Dumbledore hang his head in shame. 

"Honestly" she began, waving her wand around James' shoulder, and making entirely too much fuss, "wounds can be healed by magic, but you know, repeated injuries like this leave their toll on the body! Just think about when you're older; you'll be all stiff and arthritis!" 

The two boys exchanged looks; they knew better than to interrupt or correct Mrs. Potter. They both mumbled, "Yes'm", and that was enough for her. 

"I suppose you two are wanting a spot of lunch, yes? I'll have Grob make us something small; we're dining out tonight" Not for lack of money, the Potters didn't dine out often; Mrs. Potter enjoyed cooking, her house elf Grob as her sous chef, and anyway there wasn't much choice of dining around Godric's Hollow. 

In fact, James could remember the last time they had dined out as a family; the day he got his Hogwarts letter. 

"Err...what's the special occasion, mum?" Clearly Mrs. Potter was waiting for James to ask this question, as her face broke out in a smile as she handed James a thick envelope. 

"Hogwarts letters arrived, and....well go on, open it and see for yourself!" As usual, she had helped herself to the letter before giving it to James, as she did every year to ensure that her son was not hiding marks from her. 

James noted that the letter was heavier than usual; probably something to do with the upcoming NEWTs. He opened it, scanning his grades. Os in everything but Potions (EE) and Herbology (A). This was nothing new, as he usually maintained excellent grades, using a mixture of charm and copious amounts of raw talent. He set the paper aside, and started reading the second sheet of parchment. He pretended to fail to notice the badge sitting in the envelope. 

_Dear Mr. James Potter,_

_As headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, I am honoured, and immensely proud to bring to you the news that you have been selected as Head Boy for the school year of 1977. As Head Boy you will be the representative of the school body as a whole; you will be an authority for all the students to approach. In addition to acting as the superior to all of the houses' prefects, you will be representing the school itself. You have been selected following a long tradition that acknowledges the outstanding abilities of elite students, and offers them an opportunity to share their knowledge with others. The Head Boy must be fair but friendly, stern but supportive, and above all, a friend to all._

_You will be sharing this prestigious position with Ms. Lily Evans, who has been chosen as the Head Girl. Together I am sure that you will facilitate another wonderful year at Hogwarts. Please meet me and Ms. Evans at the Three Broomsticks Inn, on the 31st of August, one day prior to term's start._

_Yours most humbly,  
Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. _

James reached in to the envelope, his hands now positively shaking, and pulled out a shiny, and quite large, Head Boy badge. He turned to Sirius, face as white as a ghost, 

"Me. Lily. Head Boy. Has Dumbledore finally gone daft?" He scanned his friend for any sign of support or sympathy, but Sirius merely stared back at him, mouth agape. 

"Oh for heaven's sake, son, this is a great honour! Your father was Head Boy!" 

James groaned; his father was kind enough, but entirely too stuffy and rule obsessed. He had to be, as Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot. Nobody who knew Harold Potter would have any trouble believing that he was once Head Boy. In fact, it was James' childlike determination to be as different from his father as possible, that started his career as a troublemaker; a title he neither wanted to, nor was able to outgrow. Was this what Dumbledore saw in him, his father? Was this what he was destined to become? James started to wonder if it was possible to decline the position...


	3. Sirius Black, lost friend

Sirius finally found his voice, no doubt owing to the Mrs. Potter's imploring stare. "err, well done mate. Dumbledore must really, er, respect you." Sirius didn't think there was ever a more awkward moment between him and James; James was always his partner in crime. Together they had executed pranks that Hogwarts was not likely to forget for years to come. Neither of them had ever been given a position of responsibility; Remus had become the Prefect because of his sense of responsibility and his academic drive. Now that James was given this position, he wouldn't be able to join him in pranking. He'd have to uphold and enforce the laws that they so systematically ignored. 

James spent the rest of the day locked in his room, and Sirius had never felt more lost. The very few times either of them were in need of comfort, they both knew exactly how to deliver that comfort; that's why they were best mates, they provided each other with exactly what the other needed at any given moment. This was the first time that Sirius could remember where he really didn't know what to do. He imagined that James was feeling overwhelmed by the amount of responsibility thrust upon him; had it been him, Sirius would have immediately run away from the opportunity. 

The day dragged on impossibly slow, and Sirius wished that Remus would hurry up and arrive; if anyone knew what it was to accept responsibility, it was Remus. He always said the right things to make one see things in a different light, and appreciate them. He tried to imagine what Remus would say to James in this situation, but the anxiety of the situation smothered his usually vibrant imagination. He felt vaguely sick. 

Mr. Potter came home some hours later, and after briefly conferring with his wife, went into James room to talk to him. Sirius might not have known the right thing to say to his friend at the moment, but he definitely knew that a talk from his father was the last thing James would want. It wasn't even like Mr. Potter even knew his son so well; Sirius was the only one out of their friends who knew James' feelings towards his father. When they were in their first year, James still idolized the abstract notion of his father; in his long, billowing Wizengamot robes. Sirius remembers that one of the first things that James confided in him, the second night of their first year, was that he wanted to be just like his father when he grew up. Over the years, however, the idolization turned into bitterness as Mr. Potter continually put the welfare of the rest of the wizarding world before his own family. Sirius remembers 6th year, after one full moon night, James confided in him that he knew his father was a great wizard, but that he was a horrible father. Looking at the streak of pink making its way on the horizon, Sirius thought to himself better your father ignore you, than hate you like mine. He kept those thoughts to himself, knowing that there was no room in their relationship for jealousy to be voiced. 

Sirius barricaded himself in his room as well, too overwhelmed by the tension taut in the house. For the first time since he had moved in with the Potters, he truly felt like an outsider, an intruder. He kept his face glued to the window, hoping at any moment to see Remus walking to the gate. Instead he saw an old owl flying directly towards his window. The owl tapped on the window to be let in, and Sirius' heart leapt to his throat; it was missing a talon. Remus. 

 

_Dear Sirius aka the smelly thing that is Padfoot;_

_It wasn’t too tough last night, really. My parents built me a new shed, you know how my father is, obsessed with making things “more comfortable” for me. So anyway, this shed’s like a small house. I guess the wolf was thankful for the room, although there obviously is no substitute for the shrieking shack. I missed Padfoot. Incidentally, it bears reminding that of course my mother, being a muggle, would be frightened of blue flames. Bloody horrible joke that was; she nearly passed out cold. Then again, you know, she’s one for dramatics. I suppose I can endure one more album of Roxy Music. I must admit, I am fond of the name. The music....well, I’ve known bands to change dramatically from album to album. I can’t wait to go back to Hogwarts, that sounds weird, I know. It’s not just the books. I’m bored. I miss my friends._

_-Remus._

 

Sirius ran the pad of his thumb over the last few words of the letter. I miss you. He blinked, and looked again. I miss my friends. Naturally. That made more sense. Why would Moony even write that he missed only him? None of that, now. This endless litany had been invading his mind for months. It took a true crisis, colloquially known as the Big Sirius Black Mistake, for these thoughts to start to penetrate his consciousness. At first they were only at night, fuzzy dreams that left it quite easy for Sirius to pretend that it was not a man's body he saw atop his own, or later, it was surely not Remus' mouth on his. Sirius decided that it was just a phase, and that perhaps if he paid Remus mind during the waking hours, observe him in his totally normal routine, it would banish these thoughts from his head. The dreams went away, oh yes. But then the images invaded his waking brain; watching Remus suck on sugar quills, or bending over a book. Every little gesture was taken out of context, exaggerated, evoking brain melting reactions from Sirius.

It wasn't just that Sirius' body seemed to want to bugger Remus' body quite badly; Sirius couldn't help but think about Remus all the time. This was understandable, he reasoned, for him to be overly concerned with Remus' wellbeing, as he had betrayed him most horribly. It was now up to Sirius to make up for it by supporting his friend anyway he could. And by supporting he meant in the "be a good friend way" and not, "support your body while I bugger you over the library tables that you so desperately love" sort of way. Of course. 

Sirius wasn't wholly in denial. He wasn't stupid; by the time the condition evolved to daydreaming, he knew. Knew that he was attracted to Remus Lupin aka Skinny Werewolf Boy aka Chocolate Addict aka Moony. His Moony. This did not mean that he had to act on this attraction; hadn't he hurt Moony enough? Hadn't he done enough damage? Moony deserved to lay a lusty lady, and didn't need to know of Sirius' pining. No, he would just have to continue the suppression of his feelings. 

Dinner that evening was a quiet affair. Mrs. Potter had chosen the Blooming Orchard, in Diagon Alley's restaurant stretch. The restaurant was small and stuffy; the waiters wearing the most formal of robes, champagne bottles being popped and charmed cool at each table. Sirius looked around at the other diner's plates, and knew that he would leave this restaurant hungry; the portions were unnecessarily small, and superfluously arranged in abstract patterns. He noted that the menu had a full two pages for dessert. 

They ate in silence, though neither boys' appetite was ruined by the tension. Mr. Potter kept looking like he wanted to say something, but would stay silent with a nudge from his wife. Mrs. Potter made some half-hearted attempts at conversation, mostly geared towards Sirius, as James was barely reacting, seemingly catatonic. The food was good enough, Sirius reasoned, if a bit weird. Still, he would rather Mrs. Potter's cooking which was always more pleasurable, and filling. At the table next to them a man got down on his knee and presented a ring to his girlfriend. They skipped dessert. 

The family plus Sirius flooed back into the kitchen, in total silence. Sirius' plan was to hurry off to his room and devise a plan to bring everything back to normal, when he saw him there. Remus was sitting at the kitchen, sipping tea and nibbling on a scone, courtesy of Grob, who seemed entirely too eager to be serving someone, as he was denied the pleasure of serving the family dinner as he did every evening. The look that Sirius gave his saviour was of wild relief. 

"James' been made Head Boy!" He blurted out, almost shouting.


	4. Remus Lupin, defender of rules

_Dear Remus,_

_Of course we would be delighted to have you as our guest for the remaining weeks of the summer! Please, feel free to show up whenever; our door is always open for you. I think the boys will be happy to see you; they're getting a bit bored, I think, judging by the amount of things that are broken throughout the house. On second thought, do hurry dear._

_Say hello to your father from us!_

_The Potters_

If the others knew that Remus was writing to James' parents to actually ask for permission to come over, they would have had a laugh on him. Even before Sirius had permanently relocated to the Potters', he would show up whenever it pleased him; often stealing away from his home in the middle of the night. Remus knows this because Sirius boasted about it, often. Remus marveled that one family could be filled with so much love. It wasn't that his own parents weren't kind, rather they were quite private, no doubt a side effect of having a werewolf for a child, and were never the type to so freely open their home to others. 

Remus folded up the letter, with a smile. The easy part was over, and now came the hard part; convincing his parents to let him spend the last two weeks of the summer holidays at the Potters'. It was like this every summer; they would say no, they would fight a bit, and finally send him off. The yearly argument was symbolic, yet no less tiring. It helped that Full Moon was just two days ago; Remus looked healthy enough so that they needn't worry for him, yet the memory of his injuries still so fresh, giving him quite a lot of leeway. 

The lanky adolescent found his parents in the kitchen, their breakfast routine well underway. Hope Lupin was leaning on the kitchen counter, a gratuitously large mug of tea to her lips. Lyall Lupin was sitting at the breakfast counter scarfing down toast whilst reading the Daily Prophet. Those days, reading the Daily Prophet could be quite an upsetting activity, and Remus knew that if he caught his parents at the wrong time, they might not let him leave. Lyall was almost at the last page of the newspaper, and his face showed no sign of distress. Safe. 

"The Potters send their love," he began, hoping that this comment would soften them. 

"The Potters?" his father grunted through bites of toast

"Oooh, send them lots of love back, and a hug as well! You can send hugs with owls, right?" Remus didn't miss the wink in her voice; Hope might be a muggle, but even she knew that hugs could only be figuratively sent through owl post. He smiled back at her, trying to ignore the cynical voice in his head that knew why the Potters sent their "hello" just to his father, and not his mother. They were no Blacks, that's for sure, but Purebloods, no matter how liberal, were always less comfortable around muggles like his mother. 

"Right. Will do, as I'm seeing them on Wednesday" 

"Are you now? Says who?" Lyall countered. 

Remus had had just about enough of this. 

"Listen, I'm of age. Every year we have this argument; you say it's too dangerous, you miss me, etcetera etcetera. We argue for a bit and then you let me go. Let's go over the main points of WHY you end up acquiescing to my request: 1. you know the Potters, and it even creates an excuse to go see your dear friends for dinner. 2. Their house is heavily warded, in Godric's Hollow. I, for one, cannot think of a safer wizarding village at the moment.3. You love me. 4. I need my friends and they need me. Shall I go on?" 

Ten minutes later Remus was upstairs in his room again, a smile dancing across his face as he thought of being reunited with his friends in two day's time. 

Contrary to popular belief, Remus did have a life outside of the Marauders. Rather, he had one friend, if you could call it that. David was a muggle who lived a couple of streets down, and who had a witch for a sister, who had graduated Hogwarts some years previous. He tended bar at the local pub and rode a motorcycle. He often donned leather jackets, and some of the best music Remus had been introduced to was through David. A very handsome David.

Remus wasn't the type to deny his own feelings. Keep them under lock and key from others, of course but Remus never hid anything from himself; he was so introspective a person, so self analytical, that he was always painfully aware of his existence, his every being. His scars, his lycanthropy, his homosexuality. It took until 5th year for him to fully realize it, not because he was in denial, rather he had never really thought about sex, or relationships. The moment he did, he knew that he favoured blokes. Knew it, and took that information and hid it where no one, not even the Marauders, could access it. He had come to love keeping secrets; back when he was a boy his parents taught him to treasure his secret of lycanthropy; it was for him and no one else. Of course now he knows that they romanticized secret-keeping in order to protect him from discrimination, but the love for keeping something all to himself had remained. 

His arrangement with David started that very year, when he came home for Christmas 5th year. David was there and willing, Remus was there and willing, and neither wanted anything from the other, aside from his body. They both took without giving, and it suited them just fine. What Remus liked most about David, aside from his ass, was that he was not nosy. Not an inquiring soul, not curious at all. Remus could probably show up one day with his hair dyed blonde, and the other boy wouldn't say a word about it. He was blissfully obedient in bed, and always left when it was time to leave. 

"Oh, I have a treat for you tonight, Rem-us" Remus hated the way David pronounced his name; rem like I'm your remedy for tonight. One look at his face, and Remus could tell that David was excited about whatever it was that he had for him. Probably a new record, he reckoned. Sure enough, the boy crossed his bedroom, took a record out, taking great care to bend down slowly, and put the record on. 

Oh yes, he was teasing; flirting with Remus shamelessly. This was Remus' favourite game; David would be oh so coy, bending down and talking dirty, and he, Remus, would just sit there, face impassive, absorbing all of it, and not reflecting anything back. He made the boy beg for. For once in his life he was in control. His identity was not merely a reflection in the eyes of another, no, he was to be chased...

Two hours later, and Remus crept out of David's derelict flat, and walked down the street home. He hadn't said anything, but Remus knew that it would be his last meeting with David. Remus had already decided not to come home his last year at Hogwarts; between ensuring all Os on his NEWTs, applying for jobs, and partaking in all the extra-curricular activities that he could, Remus wouldn't have time for holidays. He had to find a job, and the sooner he started looking, the better. He harbored no feelings for the boy, yet the final parting weighed on him, feeling like a finality of something else entirely.


	5. Remus Lupin saves the day

The next day Remus could barely sit still; excited at the prospect of finally seeing his friends, and happy to leave the concerned gaze of his parents. He had decided to oblige Sirius' request; surprise me. With any luck, Mrs. Potter would neglect to mention that she knew Remus was due to arrive sometime in the coming day, and the surprise element would be complete. After much fussing, and threats that they could at any moment revoke their permission, Remus' parents finally said goodbye, and he was finally able to escape via the floo network. He was still a bit uneasy using the floo, as it was quite a recent invention; Remus remembered the first time he went to the Potters during the holidays first year, he rode on the back of his father's broomstick for hours. Although floo travel could be quite dizzying, it definitely beat travelling for hours via broomstick or knight bus.   
Remus expected to see everyone in the kitchen, as it was nearing dinner time, and his stomach grumbled in anticipation. Though he would never say this within earshot of his own mother, James' mother made the best food, and he was looking forward to an excellent meal. The short but disconcerting journey was over, and Remus found himself in the massive hearth of the Potter's kitchen. It was dark, and quiet; he could distinctly hear the summer crickets outside through the crack of the window. Lumos Remus raised his wand above his head to cast light on the kitchen. It was empty, and unused.

"Sirius?" Remus called out tentatively to the empty space in front of him. He walked from the kitchen to the living room to find it equally as abandoned. 

"James? Mr. and Mrs. Potter?" Remus was feeling more uncomfortable by the moment; where could they be? They were, after all, expecting him. Remus tightened the grip on his wand.

"James?" he tried again, louder this time. He heard a *pop* and found himself face to face (well, more like face to waist) with the Potters' house-elf.

"Mr. Loopy, sir! You are most welcome! My masters will be home shortly! The Potters are dining out tonight, sir, to celebrate!" Remus always felt uncomfortable around house-elves; the idea of servitude (or, more accurately, slavery) didn't sit well with him, and he loathed their complacent attitude. He had read quite a lot about house-elf magic in his studies of magical beings, and knew that with their particular magic, house-elves could start quite the impressive rebellion. So why did they just sit there and take it? Why did they not revolt like the centaurs? He thought of the pictures he saw describing living conditions of werewolves at the turn of the century; how they were kept in the small cages lining the belly of the ministry. He liked to think that had he been alive then, he wouldn't take that treatment. He wouldn't be a subservient house-elf; he would fight back.

"Er, hello Grob. What are they celebrating?" Must be something important, if they had taken the opportunity to actually dine out. Most celebrations, such as birthdays and holidays were lavishly hosted at the Potter estate; Mrs. Potter outdoing herself in both cuisine and presentation, each and every time.

"Mr. Loopy hasn't heard? Mr. Potter was made Head Boy! Oh, the missus is so proud!" Oh. James, Head Boy? Remus frowned, and lowered his wand. 

"Are you sure, Grob? She said Head Boy? He received his letter and everything?" Remus had served two years as prefect. He never expected the title of Head Boy, of course; prefect might be a title reflective of skill and intelligence, but Head Boy was always more symbolic, more political a position. Of course a werewolf could never be Head Boy. The very public nature of the position would ensure that his condition would be revealed.

All this, but...why James? Remus loved his friend, of course, and knew that for all the mischief they planned, James had a sense of responsibility and measure of caution (hidden there, somewhere deep). He had clearly seen this at play during the Incident. James always knew where to draw the line, but still he would get as close to that line as possible, testing the limits. Belby, the Ravenclaw prefect in their year would have been a fine choice. Remus couldn't even begin to imagine how his friend was feeling; did Dumbledore really expect James to forego all pranking? Because that was just cruel.

"Is the Mr. Loopy liking some tea, sir? Scones? Perhaps a sandwich?" As if on cue, Remus' stomach rumbled loudly. 

"Yes, thanks Grob. If it isn't too much trouble, a sandwich and some scones." Remus pulled out his thermos from his rucksack and handed it to the elf. 

"I brought my own blend. If you could just fill that up with hot water, that'd be grand. Tha-" Grob's eyes grew wide and he shook his head forcefully. He grabbed the thermos and set to work.

Remus sighed; it was worth a try. No matter how much they tried, Grob would still panic if they tried to thank him. The Potters had deemed it cruel to continue trying when he so obviously hated it, so they stopped. Still Remus tried, hoping to find some indication that the obsession with servitude was not the house elf's nature, rather an outcome of long standing social norms. 

Remus accepted his now filled thermos with a smile, as he wrapped his hands around it. Sirius had given it for him for Christmas, 5th year, and since then Remus didn't go anywhere without it. He filled it up three times a day; green tea in the morning, chai at lunch time, and chamomile at night. The thermos held half a litre of tea, and always brewed it to perfection. Sirius had charmed it to identify the type of tea and adjust temperature and brewing time accordingly. He had to re-charm it with the appropriate brewing times for some more exotic blends, like chai, that Remus drank. The others often joked about his obsession with tea; calling him a baby that couldn't be anywhere without his bottle. Still, it had been one of Sirius' more thoughtful gifts. 

Remus ate his roast-beef sandwich with gusto, and gladly accepted a plate of scones from Grob, delighted that they were Mrs. Potter's famous orange and ginger blend. Remus respected Mrs. Potter's immense talent with food, and often asked her for recipes. Remus had discovered cooking back in fourth year. He enjoyed the precision that went into it, and the pride at making something delicious. The problem with cooking, however, was that it was just like potions; he might love it in theory, but when it came down to putting everything together, it never came out right. Remus had attempted to bake Mrs. Potter's biscuits for Christmas once, and failed miserably. He did everything exactly right, and technically there wasn't anything wrong with the biscuits; it just wasn't as good as Mrs. Potter's. He was missing that "magic touch", both with cooking, and potions. 

Remus thought back to his friends and could only imagine how awkward their dinner must be; if he were to guess correctly, James would spend the whole time with his mouth open, barely able to speak, and Sirius would be desperately trying to make him feel better, or distract him from the topic at hand. Remus smiled, the scene playing out in his head thoroughly entertaining him, when he saw the fireplace flash bright green. First came James who, as Remus guessed, was walking in a half-daze, his eyes wide in surprise. He noticed Remus, tried to say hello, failed, and then continued on to his room. Next came Mrs. Potter, looking thoroughly annoyed. 

"Hi, Remus, dear, glad you could make it. Did you happen to see where James went?" Remus pointed to James' room, and Mrs. Potter hurried after him, muttering under her breath. 

Mr. Potter flooed in next, clapped Remus on the shoulder, and took a biscuit. "Glad you're here, son; maybe you can talk some sense into the boy" and with that he went off to his study. 

Next came Sirius, looking annoyed, but mostly lost. He spotted Remus, and charged immediately towards him. Remus knew the look on his face all too well; the save me look. It was the look that he gave him when a particularly insistent girl had him cornered, or when they were caught breaking rules; Sirius always looked to him to somehow get them out of it. Perhaps it was his way with words, or his mild manners, but somehow he usually did succeed. 

"James' been made Head Boy!" Sirius blurted out, almost tripping on a chair. Remus pointed his wand at the chair, and pulled it out, motioning for him to sit. 

"Really? I thought for sure you were a shoo-in for the job, Padfoot" Remus took another sip of tea to hide his smile. 

"Wha- this isn't bloody funny, Remus! James Potter has been made Head Boy, and that means he has to follow rules, and attend meetings, and other such rubbish. What was Dumbledore thinking? And James is a bloody mess, now, and he has no idea what to do, and I have no idea what to do, and, and...fix it, Remus!" 

Remus tried very hard not to roll his eyes. Yes, this was an unexpected turn of events, but it wasn't the end of the world! Remus looked at Sirius' face, expectant and a bit desperate, and sighed. He understood, of course, the challenges this posed for their friend group, and for Sirius especially; he just wished his friends would grow up. He wished that Sirius would at least make the effort to think things through, instead of relying on Remus' calm rationale. 

"All right, come with me." He grabbed Sirius by the sleeve, and dragged him to James' room. He didn't bother with knocking, and found James banging his head on his writing desk. 

"I believe a congratulations is in order?" James looked up, as if only now recognizing that Remus was there. 

"Congratulations?! Would I congratulate you, Moony, if you had been eaten by the giant squid? Does this seem an appropriate moment for you to be congratulating me?" This time Remus did nothing to suppress his eye roll. 

"James. Prongs, mate. Did you really just compare being Head Boy to being eaten by the giant squid? Let's think on this for a moment." Remus drew up a chair and sat directly across from James. Sirius was standing to the side, all too happy to let Remus handle this situation. 

James was about to answer, but Remus cut him off. 

"I want you to take five minutes right now of total silence, and compile a list of reasons why being Head Boy is a bad thing. Then tell me those reasons." James opened his mouth to retort, but Remus was quicker, 

"Silencio" 

Remus turned to Sirius, ignoring James' frantic arm movements and silent yells. 

"Who was made Head Girl?" Remus suspected that he already knew the answer, yet it needed to be said out loud, to drive the point home. 

"Evans." Sirius had taken to pacing around the room, shooting sympathetic glances at the silenced boy. James looked at Sirius, and then at Remus, and stopped gesturing at once, seeming to come to an understanding. He still had three minutes to go, however, and Remus wasn't going to let up early. Lily Evans, Head Girl. Remus knew, since he had read Hogwarts, A History many a time, that Lily would be the first muggleborn Head Girl. 

Suddenly Dumbledore's reasoning seemed a lot clearer. The Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff 7th year male prefects were both halfbloods. That left Avery, the Slytherin Prefect. Avery was pureblood, yes, but was also the leader of a group of rather unsavory 7th years that were associated with dark arts. There was no doubt that Avery would be joining the new group of Death Eaters that had already caused much damage to the wizarding community. Hardly the kind of leader Dumbledore would want for his school, yet naming Lily Head Girl would raise protest amongst the purebloods (or at least those that cared about such things). He had to choose a pureblood, but one that was not so obviously affiliated with the dark factions influencing their world. That, of course, left only James. Things must be getting serious, Remus reasoned, if such obvious political forces were influencing Dumbledore's decisions to this extent. 

Remus pointed his wand again at James, but Prongs remained silent. Sirius finally stopped pacing, and plopped himself on the edge of his friend's bed, looking at both of them expectantly. 

James took off his glasses slowly and cleaned them with the hem of his robe. "I suppose I'll just have to be more careful about getting caught pranking, then. And think about it; I'll have the power to take points off, and give detention to anyone!" Sirius was nodding furiously in agreement. Remus' eyes narrowed; that wasn't exactly what he was going for, but it was better than nothing. 

"And-" James stood up, his eyes wide with excitement, "Lily will have to spend time with me! I could woo her! I will woo her! And I get my own room!" Right on the money. 

"James. This is the year; your last chance you'll truly have a chance with her." James' eyes widened, as if this was all too much for him to take in. 

"But Remus, how? She...she bloody hates me. And I...I don't know what to do. I mean, I've acted like a jerk, I know that, but can I really change? Can I really 'represent the school' or whatever Dumbledore was on about? How do I get people to listen to me when I barely listen to anyone?" Remus offered him a small smile. Contrary to what Sirius though, Remus didn't know exactly what to say to his friend; of course he knew exactly how to be a voice of authority, having had two years of practice, and generally enjoying it. Being Head Boy, though, seemed to go against everything that made James James, and Remus didn't know how to change a person, nor was he really keen on changing his friend's personality. 

"Because I'll help you through it, mate. The Head Boy stuff, and the Lily stuff. As long as you don't expect miracles." Remus put on a brave and certain smile, trying his best to cheer James on. James looked as though he might hug him, but in the end settled for a thankful nod. 

"Yeah, and how exactly do you propose to do that?" Sirius' sarcasm cut across the room like an arrow. Remus raised an eyebrow at his friend; something was clearly Bothering Sirius, and until it was settled they would have to put up with his moodiness. Typical Sirius trying shift attention to him, but Remus knew that what was bothering him was probably tied to James' appointment as Head Boy, and right now James' need was greater. 

"Well, Sirius-" Remus countered with the same bite, warning him to back down. Sirius looked to the floor and shrugged his shoulders in surrender

"It's quite simple. Prongs, you know how you always know the best pranks?" James' face lit up

"Yeah, I do!" 

"Well, it's because you are quite observant of people's personalities. You get what would piss them off more than anything. Like you know that Belby's obsessed with his hair, so of course the perfect prank for him would be to change his hair a different colour every hour." 

"So, what, James should prank Lily?" Apparently Sirius had not quite surrendered. Remus closed his eyes and gathered his patience. 

"James if you just apply the same principle, only unto understanding what makes Lily happy instead of ticked off, then you have a chance with her. Observe her like you would observe a potential target for a prank, but instead of thinking of the thing that would irk her the most, think of the things that she appreciates the most. Then do that. See where it takes you."   
James looked as though he was considering this prospect carefully, and Sirius was impatiently tapping his fingers on the desk. 

Remus decided that it was time for a change of topic; he had done the best he could to resolve the issue for the time being, and it would be better if they didn't wallow in it. 

"When's Wormy getting here?" 

"He's not coming this summer, can you believe it?" Remus groaned; it seemed that this topic only fueled the fire that was building inside Sirius. At least he could get upset about something else. 

"Said he had to work or some bollocks like that; this is our last summer, what could be more important than that? How are we supposed to plan effectively for the coming year if Peter isn't there to help us?" 

Sirius might not have inherited Pureblood manners and notions, but there were other aspects of his upbringing that he couldn't shake loose; going from one affluent pureblood family to another affluent pureblood family does not a humble child make. Both Sirius and James were incredibly spoiled; not maliciously, rather having grown up with any material possession that they wanted, they had no concept of what it was like to be without. That wasn't to say that Sirius hadn't his fair share of injustice; the Black estate was no place for a child to grow up in, especially not when that child was Sirius Black. Remus' family wasn't affluent by any means, and he didn't get whatever he wanted like James or Sirius, but his parents had never burdened Remus with money issues; it was never his problem, or his responsibility. 

Peter's family had always been poor. When they were kids they hardly noticed, because anyway it was always James or Sirius buying sweets and things for everyone. The older they got, however, the more Peter's family applied pressure on him to provide for the family, and the less they saw him on holidays. Furthermore, Peter's parents were irrationally proud, and would never allow Peter to stay at James' because they didn't want Peter "accepting charity". Peter's older brother was a famous owl breeder, and had all but left the family to fend for themselves. His mother was somewhat imbalanced, and in her opinion it was only natural that Peter become the breadwinner of the family. 

Remus was about to retort, but it was James who spoke up

"Padfoot, Peter needs to work. His family doesn't have much, you know that. Give him a break, he's doing the best that he can but you know his mum is putting tons of pressure on him to get a good job and settle down and all that. Not everyone comes from money like we do, and we ought to remember that and support him." James' tone was quiet, yet severe, and it sounded like this was something he had wanted to vocalize for quite a while now.   
Remus smiled, starting to see that Dumbledore had made the perfect choice.

_______________________________________________________________________ 

 

Remus welcomed the silence waiting for him in one of the Potter's guest bedroom. With Sirius, everything seemed to be a crisis, and he seemed to be the only one who could resolve it. And this had actually been somewhat of a crisis. Remus frowned, trying to think about how the coming year would look, with James as Head Boy. For all Remus grumbled about breaking rules, and put up a rule abiding front, he was addicted to his friends' antics. It took a person truly unconcerned of what other's thought, to play pranks and annoy everyone. Obviously that person was not Remus, and so he lived the pranks vicariously through his friends; playing the role of the silent mastermind behind many successful plans. 

Remus sat down on the pillow adorned ledge of the window, and opened it a crack. The incessant chirping of the crickets relaxing him, he sipped at his thermos, taking pleasure in the hot liquid pouring down his throat, and settling heavily in his stomach. The moon was waning, and he was here, with his friends. Remus had just started to wonder how Peter was faring, when there was a soft knock on his door, and Sirius entered, clutching his turntable. 

"Fix it?" Sirius had an almost apologetic look on his face, as he stretched out his arms, offering the device to Remus. Remus had enough experience with Sirius to know that this gesture was a sign of truce. 

Remus sighed, studying the turntable that he had charmed for Sirius.   
"It'll take me some time, and I might not be able to finish it until we get to Hogwarts. I need some books from there and well..." Remus' voice trailed off, and he felt his face go hot   
"I, err, don't know if I could make it work again. Technically, such a charm as the one I put on this turntable doesn't actually exist. I was experimenting, and I honestly don't know if I can achieve the same outcome." 

Remus was a half-blood; his mother being a muggle, and like all such children, felt that he was constantly back and forth between the magical world and the muggle world. His unique insight into the strengths and weaknesses of both worlds led to him trying to find a way to incorporate the two, and for years Remus conducted research and small experiments to try and incorporate electricity and magic. This had obviously failed magnificently, since such a thing went against all of the laws of nature, so he turned his attention to trying to take muggle items and adapt them to work off of magic. The culmination of all his hard work was the rusty old turntable that he gave to Sirius.

Sirius looked impressed as Remus explained this to him, and moved to sit down next to him on the ledge.   
"What I like to know is how you find time to do all of this...." Remus was about to open his mouth to retort, when Sirius continued "Never mind; I know how....your love affair with Madam Pince...suddenly it all makes sense; you exchange sexual favours for rare books!" 

They both erupted into peals of laughter; it was an ongoing joke with the group that Remus had a torrid love affair with the Hogwarts' librarian. Sirius' love affair was with McGonagall, of course, and Peter's was with the giant squid. With James there was no need to imagine a love affair; Lily proved to be an adequate target for their merciless teasing.   
"Seriously though Remus; that's amazing. I would say I can't believe you did all of that, but after seeing all that you put into the map, I can definitely believe it. Really amazing." Sirius put his hand on Remus' shoulder; what would usually be a light, friendly touch. But with the way Sirius was looking at him, his eyes burning with intensity, that hand suddenly felt like a ton of bricks weighing him down.


End file.
